I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just forgot I was standing up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
