peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
