i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
