My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
