jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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