can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
