dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
