i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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