Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
