What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
