He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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