? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
