my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
