Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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