It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
