DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
