Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
