she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
