you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
