If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
