god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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