i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
