He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
