...so i touched it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize