i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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