Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
