oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
