ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
