You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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