you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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