Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
