you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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