This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
