he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
