the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
