I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my poor anus
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
