i think i have two assholes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
