I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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