She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
