We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
