he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
