also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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