Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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