i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
