Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
