Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
