The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
