Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
