I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
