I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize