One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
false alarm, still single
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
