My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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