Kiss
Puke
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
