my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize