Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
