Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
