You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my being single is dangerous.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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