Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
