so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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