Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
