I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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