K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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