Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
