do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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