yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
