Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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