only if we run a train.
done.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
