you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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