i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
