You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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