Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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