We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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