I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
