hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
