If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize