I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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