you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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