:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
