return my video game
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
