I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
