She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize