there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
