she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
