Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
