Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
