i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
