Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she woke up with a sticky ear
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
