thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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