You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
