dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
