That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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