time to smoke my breakfast
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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