so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
