You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
